I was all prepped to like this chick; she has a prime body type I lust after and looks like two of my exes – one with red hair, even. I give credit to a girl who’s done so much to get a rockin’ bod – like gettin’ born with good genetics. But I’m fair, so I give still more credit when she shows what mom n’ dad got for her. B&W Artsy stuff, even. No ego there.
Obviously, The Zooey Deschanel Quirky Girl SNL skit has basis in reality (GIFY). I wonder what it does when it’s not On TV and hits 40. Oh wait, no — I don’t.
The problem arises when confusing popularity for nice tits. And, in objective fairness, a nice ass. A really nice ass. Girls have this burdensome problem IRL, and thus, structurally carry it over to the blogosphere (I still hate that word). All you need for success is…
…get your parents’ genetics to make nice tits; ask them to help you out in that department and make you a really nice pair. Write about your boobs. Take lotsa pictures feeding them $47-a-plate Brioche Con Pomme de Terres. that you can’t/won’t/don’t
ever cook. Wait for gobs of attention to pour in! Lezbians Luv it Too, btw.
(Did I mention: These are still really nice tits?..)
Sadly, I’ve discovered blogging an incredible time-eating endeavor, so posting 1000 pictures of yourself eating, partying, joking, living-laughing-loving…organizing OWS protests etc., means you must get paid an inordinate amount of money – plus have the time. Think MySpace but with icky typing stuff.
Maybe it’s different in Canadia: They have nude dancing, so the tips must be lucrative. Maybe Iranian Diplomats and Arab “Businessmen” donate to the cause if it’s Halal. Besides, I’ve never actually seen raymi in porn. She doesn’t have the sense of humor for it.
(hey, do canucks even make that kind of stuff? Girls dressed-up like goalies, doin’ it doggy-style in a snowbank…at an Anti-US Rally, demanding MORE Haitian Immigration For Toronto!)?
Raymi brings lots of unprecedented self-absorption to High Art. Who does she think she is – Paul Gauguin, Beyonce – or Obsidian, even? Nothing defines the 21st Century Fox so much as writing about food you can’t prepare, no matter how much your Beta Clique Circle begs ya. Writing about fashion when you don’t design or even sew your own hems – or inability to darn your own Vintage Annie Hall™ Woolie socks works, too. It just looks cooler if you don’t make the eff. Hey, these is 21centurygrllz we talking about here. Life as Brevity Texting.
Ten Billion photos of the goods must cost a bundle to store on a server, so I bet the Sugar Daddy doesn’t like it unless that type of social proof gets admiration in Canadastan. I suppose I’m being overly harsh and the actuality is only 100 Suffering Beta Orbiters take out the trash, feed the cats, take the pictures, buy the food, laugh at the jokes, offer the shoulder – and the jobs – then get sent home packin’ without so much as a whiff. A low-buzzing noise starting the second the artsy condo door closes. Gotcha! oohhh…
Did I say: These are really nice boobs? meh. I’m biased. I just can’t figure out how a girl has the time to take a billion pics and post them, when I barely have the time to merely just post them. Nice tan lines, too. Got those at Oxford? I gotta get me a Sugar Momma. eoefee – ru lissnin?
Ever-diminishing photo frequency as turkey-flaps emerge and love of Cak Au Choceaulatte increases. Marriage to beta (African-Canadian-American(?) barrister nuurd-lurker in ten years. Picture Nicole Brown Simpson without her remarkable talent. Tattoo-removal paid for by said lawyer who then wraps her in That Mrs. Romney Look to meet the parents. Two pups hurriedly pushed-out…before The Clock runs out …to balance out that Haitian street-urchin step-brother adoptee starting to turn rancid.
RATING: ♥♥ out of five Bloghearts. (‘ghearts, pron GARTS – like “farts”)
My dad loves this chick. He was in the Navy and she still has bigger forearm tats than he does, plus, they both are assholes who refuse to cook. On second thought, my dad actually cooks more than raymi. She’s dorky-hot, like my mom (so dad says – yuk) but that No Cooking Policy would wear thin and Dear Old Dad would put a boot up her ass. Her being Canadian, she’d immediately wet herself, fall at his feet to bone Her First Alpha! before calling the Mounties on him. No pics, raymi. Some stuff is sacred. Now, when I get to TO on biz next month, LJBF. Unless, you have a little sister. What a brat. No way she has a bf.
Girls, follow her advice – show skin if you want blog hits; then write about how showing skin is nobig-hellakwl-passe – if you don’t mind showin’ skin cuz your hipster parents and social circle think its kwlz too – cuz yer hawt. Don’t mind talent – or lack thereof – just keep up with those crunches. And dance class. (I prefer swim class)
This is how GrrlBlgggrz!® achieve fame n’ glory n’ success n’ stuff! What a shame. Once knew a girl with the most rockin’ phenom bod evva – big perfect tits. Each the same size and balance, even. Long legs, trim bush. Assmuffin like a volleyball: Had the face of a horse. She actually had to get a Master’s Degree in ENG to pay her own bills. All those brains, wasted on that ass. *sigh*
neway: Write about deep, thoughtful stuff. Commit your Deep Thoughts on your opinion on how faaaabulous somebody else makes a tuna sandwich. Don’t cook. Wear Daisy Dukes. Shake ass in front of Betas. Have orbiters photograph, write and upload all content. Take credit for yourself: Think, Nancy Pelosi, Nicki Minaj & Oprah. Give Best Prospect a grudging, perfunctory Old-Fashioned once a year to maintain Lifetime Loyalty – or wtf ever passes for that quaint concept in the land of Haitian Hockey Hobo Rioters.
Guys, look at every one of her pics and fap. Fap hard. Harder. Don’t contact her – ever. Don’t speak to her. She ain’t cookin’ ya breakfast.
So, just blast it and be gone – pretend like, it’s Real Life.
You’ve only got a few more years.
- $2.00 BJ In Vegas, Nice Camaro & Toys N’ Hooters [Daily WTF] (bustedcoverage.com)
- Raymi the moocher (raymitheminx.com)
- The people versus Raymi the Minx (raymitheminx.com)