From the Brisbane-Billabong Obituary:
I have solemn, sad news, Readers & Readerettes: I’m going to be taking some time off to mourn the death of an Internet Great, Pat Hannagan of the late great M3.9 Monologues…Sort of a Hiatus Create-Us. 😦
Sadly, my friend recently passed away May 17th, 2012 from liver failure and apoplexy. I will give EVERY EFFORT to translate the newspaper articles from the original, obscure Australian Language and perhaps take up a small collection – of money.
Even that fabled ozzie liver of Patty’s (pronounced “livva, oi!”) can’t absorb 387 cans of Foster’s Lager a week and survive. Not when you line your stomach purely with Salt n’ Vinegar (*vinnegga, oi!) Chips, screw-grass and mutton.
Readers note: Pattie liked taking long, slow romantic walks with Monica Mayhem impersonators (gender, unknown) and reciting from memory every tender line from Monica’s 4-Star Academy recognized (*recognised) performance in It’s Okay! She’s My Mother in Law 3 (2010) Cumguzzlinstein Video Prod. Co., Inc.
Keeping Hope Alive – by masturbating 32 times daily to…
…old (rly old) Monica Mayhem porn didn’t help the old fella’s endurance either (eithah). Carry on’ Lil’ Troopa!
Noice chebs – but she ruint ’em wit Silli-cone, mate!
Once a hot, primo piece of ass, most ozzies go to die – and bone Aborigines, like Monica M. – after reaching full capacity from experiencing 569,000 ejaculations in a lifespan. MM no doubt remembers him fondly (as do I) as that witty fellow mumbling something vaguely disturbing as he rubbed-up against you. Inappropriately.
The Royal Aboriginal Territorial Tribal Council Constabulary hurriedly occupied Pat’s small, filthy outback puptent, emptied his curdling Piss Cans and immediately shut-down his blog to suppress any untoward mention of woggies, The Clash, Unrevealed Harold Holt mysteries – and of course kikes n’ pakis. Whereupon, they ceremonially shite upon and – in this order – frenziedly orifice-raped his corpse with full tribal honors, as is their delightful indigenous custom in their Wonderful Rich Tapestry of Diversity.
His daughter & estranged wife (it is Australia, memba) – Allison Hannigan – sadly, disavowed all knowledge of her beloved, absent Oi-Daddy ever since he climbed the tallest building in Oz (3 huge stories!) to protest Australia’s imminent re-annexation into The Empire (the Chinese Empire).
As the Modern e-Jesus, I endeavor (*endeavour) to perform a miracle – memorialize or resurrect this repeatedly, delicate BPDiva Lazarus Flower into the insolent, drunken lout I know he truly can be. Or, he can simply suck a fart outta me unravaged Yankee balloon-knot.
Pat’s last wishes were his readers join the fearsome Royal Australian Navy, Pee a “canfull” – and for Americans to finally embrace something called “soccer” via the help of his MUCH-BELOVED “Canberra FC Shiteholes.”
Rest in Peace, mate — Oi!…ana double oi! — You Lil’ Buckaroo!
Of course, this was all in good fun and I MUST make it perfectly clear so highly sensitive,high strungpipplesdoona’ take it the wrong way –
and get their titty in a wringa
e’en if they canna
hold their licka
- Which Bangs Style Looks Best on Alyson Hannigan? (bellasugar.com)
- Literary Maps of USA and Britain (neatorama.com)
- Scottish Cup final: Hibernian manager Pat Fenlon flooded with mail ahead of Hearts clash (telegraph.co.uk)