Death of A Friend: Pat Hannigan

by Firepower
Australian pornographic actress Monica Mayhem

Australian pornographic actress Monica Mayhem (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oi! Me Livva’s Crampin’ Mate!

From the Brisbane-Billabong Obituary:

I have solemn, sad news, Readers & Readerettes: I’m going to be taking some time off to mourn the death of an Internet Great, Pat Hannagan of the late great M3.9 Monologues…Sort of a Hiatus Create-Us. 😦

Sadly, my friend recently passed away May 17th, 2012 from liver failure and apoplexy. I will give EVERY EFFORT to translate the newspaper articles from the original, obscure Australian Language and perhaps take up a small collection – of money.

Even that fabled ozzie liver of Patty’s (pronounced “livva, oi!”) can’t absorb 387 cans of Foster’s Lager a week and survive. Not when you line your stomach purely with Salt n’ Vinegar (*vinnegga, oi!) Chips, screw-grass and mutton.

Readers note: Pattie liked taking long, slow romantic walks with Monica Mayhem impersonators (gender, unknown) and reciting from memory every tender line from Monica’s 4-Star Academy recognized (*recognised) performance in It’s Okay! She’s My Mother in Law 3 (2010) Cumguzzlinstein Video Prod. Co., Inc.

Keeping Hope Alive – by masturbating 32 times daily to…

…old (rly old) Monica Mayhem porn didn’t help the old fella’s endurance either (eithah). Carry on’ Lil’ Troopa!

Noice chebs – but she ruint ’em wit Silli-cone, mate!

OI’ll, miss you – M’Dadday!

Once a hot, primo piece of ass, most ozzies go to die – and bone Aborigines, like Monica M. – after reaching full capacity from experiencing 569,000 ejaculations in a lifespan.  MM no doubt remembers him fondly (as do I) as that witty fellow mumbling something vaguely disturbing as he rubbed-up against you. Inappropriately.

The Royal Aboriginal Territorial Tribal Council Constabulary hurriedly occupied Pat’s small, filthy outback puptent, emptied his curdling Piss Cans and immediately shut-down his blog to suppress any untoward mention of woggies, The Clash, Unrevealed Harold Holt mysteries – and of course kikes n’ pakis. Whereupon, they ceremonially shite upon and – in this order – frenziedly orifice-raped his corpse with full tribal honors, as is their delightful indigenous custom in their Wonderful Rich Tapestry of Diversity.

His daughter & estranged wife (it is Australia, memba) – Allison Hannigan – sadly, disavowed all knowledge of her beloved, absent Oi-Daddy ever since he climbed the tallest building in Oz (3 huge stories!) to protest Australia’s imminent re-annexation into The Empire (the Chinese Empire).

More than a drunken sot. Pat was a great inventor for a 13-year-0ld.  Pictured: His finest invention – Man-T-Hose “Ozzie-Babboons” mating readiness shorts

As the Modern e-Jesus, I endeavor (*endeavour) to perform a miracle – memorialize or resurrect this repeatedly, delicate BPDiva Lazarus Flower into the insolent, drunken lout I know he truly can be. Or, he can simply suck a fart outta me unravaged Yankee balloon-knot.

Pat’s last wishes were his readers join the fearsome Royal Australian Navy, Pee a “canfull” – and for Americans to finally embrace something called “soccer” via the help of his MUCH-BELOVED “Canberra FC Shiteholes.”

Rest in Peace, mate — Oi!…ana double oi! — You Lil’ Buckaroo!

Pat Hannaggan
1999 – 2012

Of course, this was all in good fun and I MUST make it perfectly clear so highly sensitive,high strungpipplesdoona’ take it the wrong way –

and get their titty in a wringa
e’en if they canna
hold their licka

30 Responses to “Death of A Friend: Pat Hannigan”

  1. Oi oi oi!!!

    Yep, it’s all over for me, gone far away from the “foetid air and gritty of the dusty, dirty city”, to lands over seas, where my culture slowly spreads, like a mangy, rancid and poxy, venereally inflected, disease.

    On tour in the sub-continent with me mate Luke.

    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/national/aussie-cricketer-luke-pomersbach-accused-of-molesting-woman-at-posh-indian-hotel/story-e6freuzr-1226360547066

  2. When finished doing the sub, the tour will progress to Europa where I’ll catch up with an old mate, Nacho Vidal. Have some fights, lots of drinking with copious golden showers, then we’ll all get together with tha champ, Rocco Siffredi, and get our carefully choreographed moves down on digital.
    [ed note: at least monica mayhem fucked THOSE guys]

  3. You know, you’re the first one to make the connection between me and Alyson Hannigan. We are a famous family, the Hannagans, and all the variety of Hannigans and other Anglo corruptions of our surname.

  4. While you’re taking time off, maybe you can sign me up to your blog to keep up the posts in your absence?

    • Pat
      While you’re taking time off, maybe you can sign me up to your blog to keep up the posts in your absence?

      No thanks. You’d just get drunk and fill it up with cheezy youtube vids, then get drunker, and delete my whole site.

  5. The song that broke the koala’s back:
    [ed note: mine, too. why did a ozzie have a southern usa accent? i get teh feeling you drive a landtrain and tire of 90 wheels for jesus. tell a yank: why do you ozzie blokes all look like you belong on a cannon deck in a pirate ship movie, but your women ALL are hot?]

    • Thank you. Finally, some taste.

    • You do realise Cam will have it all in hand, and flogging it to your jew editorialising. don’t you?

      Nothing more than a Yank loves than interjecting their “thoughts” into a comment. And likewise, nothing more that a QLDer loves than getting on his knees and offering up his arse to anything resembling an alpha that happens by.

  6. Was hoping you could play this at me online wake. But you didn’t. Typical Yank, always leaving up to the Ozzies to do the hard yards:
    [ed note: barf. not these bagpipe suckin’ Cliche Micks again. they play THIS SHIT every time a Chicago, Boston or NYC cop gets offed by a colored]

  7. Funeral cortege song:
    [i swear to Chreebus: I went to take my morning whiskey dump and “Who Can It Be Now” was on the radio. Swear to goddie. I thought SO, I’d play it – but instead will do this one cuz she has a better ass. And teeth.

    • I prefer ‘tother. But this is not bad too.

      Cam will be frothing at this attempt at insolence. There’s nothing more than a true blue ozzie loves than self abasement.

  8. With a reading by Amy Walker over the guitar solo:

  9. Who?

    {ed note: GREAT one aussie can’t be shut up, the other – makes 1-woid posts. Jayy & Silent Bobb. wtf they put in yer whiskey down there – I want some. got a helluva party comin’ up and i want LEGAL ROOFIES}

  10. I think we’re all forgetting Cam. who is NOT me, in this wake. Where are ya Cambro?!

  11. For Cambro, I knew one of the girls on this vid. Family friend:
    [greaaaaat. a vid. thats fucked up. didnt that prettyboy die whilst jerkin’ it to wog porn? YOU guys kilt Mr. Kung Fu dude, too. assholes]

  12. Posting YT clips on posts really pisses bloggers off. Ever noticed that?

    It’s like…they thought they had something more – worthwhile, something – no one ever said, or thought.

    And the mindlessness of a YT clip just seems to reinforce the emptiness of it all.

  13. Pretty soon you will all be doing chemistry lessons with Baal and Ryu. Mwahahahah

    [nope.
    Hitler didn’t do chem – he had others do it.

    baal will not lead: Ryu will be Professor Doctor Ryu, Head of State Chemistry.

  14. You’ll love this one FP. Cam wrote a whole post dedicated “hmmm”. It is what it is, as Cam would say:

  15. So, FP, I’m waiting for a post where you get to the guts of your life, you spill it all out, and throw it up weeping, beggi8ng for Mom, like you were 10 again climbing up up up the roller coaster fearful of the descent.
    [that’s what YOUR blog was for. now it’s gone. you know, you can still recover it and do an undo in WordPress]

    • No FP, I want to hear what it is about Ferdinand that got you all so riled up. Come on, it’s only the internet, no one’s listening. You have an alias to expurgate your sins with.

      Tell me what happened.
      [you always ask me, go ask him. he’s the one who got back on the train – at piggy’s – when he thought i was “banned” there. soon as i show up *poof* the lil’ dear goes silent. Besides, I told you. He banned me. Without saying a prior word in his posts on HIS blog like “f-you FP, you are wrong in point A, point B, C etc and you’re also an asshole.”

      Nope. he said ALL that stuff…AFTER he banned me. most brave. Sir Robin brave.]

      • A hard or soft option? Cor, blimey.

      • But, you know no one banned you know don;t you sweetheart? You got caught in a spam filter but your precious little merican heart thought the world revolved around him, didn’t it, lolly girl.! Such a silly lolly head, getting all confused and pouty when things don;t go their way. Stamping you feet won;t do, no it won’t! Now stop that!

        Come on tin soldier, take a stroll with me, down the yellow brick road we go, holding hands – look over there! Cam’s there! – wave high “Hi!!!”. That’s better. No one’s out to get you, silly billy. Let’s sing a song as we go

  16. Come come now FP, Cam’s probably vomiting in the shower and his boyfriends keeping his hair out of his face, while they’re at it, I’m here, on the end of your bed, petting your sweaty sweet forehead, asking “What’s upset you possum? What’s made you so glum? You used to be so happy, so outgoing. Now you’re sleeping all day, making yourself upchuck after dinner, you’re shriveling away. What happened to the little girl I used to know? Are you growing up?”

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lGKjEa6tUxo/T0poc4QcsNI/AAAAAAAAC4Q/7mv6PMo_LfY/s1600/Sissy%27s+New+Swimsuit.jpg

  17. Will the world end if people we don’t know never speak to us, or abuse us? Why do we kick at the pricks of anonymous posts, get wound up and off we go over digs that no one ever felt but our precious little imaginations?

    It was all a dream FP. Pretty soon, you’ll wake up, and it will all be over.

    And if not, you’ll be stuck on the internet, doing online chemistry lessons for eternity, as punishment.

  18. I’m not sure exactly why but this site is loading incredibly slow
    for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem
    on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

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