J. Derbyshire RIP – Victim #5,742,379
This WILL Not Stand!
Long ago, in pacified placid Country Postponia, the Wise Elders & Scribes gathered in Wimpington Circle to mourn the Fall of Derbyshire – a civic fixture once lauded, but now lamented.
Long did Derbyshire’s influence stride across the country like a Colossus; For you see, Derbyshire’s school of education was long considered the finest for each neophyte herald to attain by scribbling away in the e-darkness to re-post, expound upon and expand upon yet again, until the glittering wheel, reinvented now so many times, just looked, well – fantastic.
The Fall, was itself, a stinging defeat: That it came at the hands of tiny, barbarian mercenaries bought by the Royal Court of L’eftism made the impotent howls to the status quo that much more L’miserable. Cries of “l’infame!” and “mea culpa” (sprinkled in amongst the usual majority of “boycott!” and “That’s Outrageous!”) shrieked out and lent an air of educated sophistication the online scribes surely felt obliged to once again copy. Derbyshire as Gulliver – sacked by the Lilliputians. A plea was made to find Jonathan Swift, so he could save Derbyshire, but he already wrote the…
… blueprints and battle plan 300 years ago and was thus unavailable.
A memorial to Derbyshire was decided upon: An online, 72,304,648 page pamphlet-of-protest to This Latest Outrage!® would be sternly sent to Those In Charge warning that This Had BETTER Not Happen Again – Ever – We Mean It. This time.
Thus, the Whiners in Wimpington Circle took satisfaction knowing (really, truly, knowing) that their Fiery Letters to The Editor would be no mere “Sobran‘s Razor” to pacify them – as was done to trick the survivors of Buchanan’s Massacre the month before. A hushpuppy – a sop – could now thus be considered a feast, for after all, there were now thousands of sops to satisfy an entire crowd. The sheer number and volume of sops was now so great that all sop-takers completely forgot about the sop they had before – and even, the sops before that. But, who was counting. This will be the…Sop of Sops!
T’was at that very moment, they were inspired to use this Symbol of Power and create a March of Sops. This display in the Grand Eforum of their power in solidarity should change the minds of The Rulers and the privileged holding Court in the great white buildings – after all, they were really right this time. When they finally unleashed their torrents of protest with banners, writings and deep-thoughts all wrought from intellectually profound struggles of exquisite verbiage – all wrongs should be righted, they wished.
And so it was, just moments ago, in the placid Country of Postponia, where the Wise Elders & Scribes gathered in Wimpington Circle.
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